- Addicts helping addicts recover - the Narcotics Anonymous way

Author Topic: Starting Over  (Read 2873 times)

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Offline 1wayup

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    • 09/19/2013
Starting Over
« on: April 26, 2016, 02:53:29 PM »
I'm not new to the rooms of N/A. I actually have been around the rooms for quite some time now. I am 3 years clean, but don't have the recovery that I see most with inside the rooms. I just recently lost everything do to irresponsibility, unhealthy relationships, etc... I remember just a month ago or less I was standing in my kitchen of my apartment, and I was thinking about suicide. My life seems to have just fallen completely apart. Lost my car, my apartment, I feel like I have lost myself. Now I am not really sure what stopped me from actually acting on my impulse but for some reason I didn't. I have attempted suicide on 4-5 occasions in the last 3 years. I just recently moved to another recovery or transitional house, and it feels as if though I am starting all over again. I will admit that no I didn't have a sponsor nor did I ever work the steps. I got so overwhelmed with taking on the responsibilities of an apartment that it all came crashing down. I did lose my car, my girlfriend, almost everything it seems like. The relationship I was in wasn't healthy as I said in the beginning. She was using me for every dime, and thing that she could get out of me. I found this site in hopes that I could get the help that I need with some of the fears, and failures that I struggle with on a daily basis. God forbid me ever going back out to use, because I know that will not solve any of the problems that are ever present in my life. My question is, how do I deal with the pain of starting all over again, also the pain of the past that seems to haunt me on daily basis..? I always seem to have something of the past that just sticks in my mind, and it causes a pain that words cannot describe. Sometimes as I am walking down the street I feel like a failure, and I have let myself down with the accomplishments that I achieved to get on my own, now I am right back where I started so I feel that way, anyhow. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Offline rider

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Re: Starting Over
« Reply #1 on: April 26, 2016, 09:18:41 PM »
Welcome , glad you found us