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Author Topic: Listening and Sharing  (Read 2015 times)

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Offline Gemm

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  • cleandate - Aug 14, 1987
Listening and Sharing
« on: November 01, 2013, 02:09:40 PM »
Listening and Sharing

"I've found that many of my painful experiences with others are the result of past memories," stated a friend.

"Often I'm not reacting so much to what is going on between me and another person right at the time; I'm responding to some previous wound or hurt from my past that hasn't quite healed. Let me give you an example of what I mean.

"Just the other day, a friend of mine said she needed some time to herself and didn't want to see me for a week. Well, rather than accept her statement, I was hurt. I immediately thought of a past friendship I had helped destroy by being too possessive and demanding. I thought I was making the same mistake again and that my present girl friend was trying to get rid of me, too. I felt so defeated I couldn't respond. I just sat there stunned and tried not to cry.

"My friend was uncomfortable with my change in attitude, but since I wasn't able to communicate what I was feeling, she left feeling at loose ends, too."

"Thank goodness I had enough sense to call her and share my unsettling feelings a day or two after that experience. I found my friend wasn't rejecting me at all. She really did need some time to herself."

Today I will not allow past, painful memories to cripple my current relationships. When I am hurt or confused, I will talk out my feelings and reactions before I make harsh criticisms or assume another's motives.

You are reading from the book:

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes
Unity begins with U-N-I; when one of us is missing both of us will die. Don't let the life NA gave you keep you from service to NA.

Offline benana

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Re: Listening and Sharing
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2013, 08:34:07 AM »
nice! thanks!
"A spiritual understanding of self-acceptance is knowing that it is all right to find ourselves in pain, to have made mistakes, and to know that we are not perfect."
-IP #19, Self-Acceptance

Offline recovery

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Re: Listening and Sharing
« Reply #2 on: November 03, 2013, 04:06:48 PM »
Thanks Ethel I am glad I saw this and read it because it fits right now just what I needed to read love you  :hugs:
recovery offers us the promise of freedom from active addiction but to get that promise takes effort on our part

Offline benana

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Re: Listening and Sharing
« Reply #3 on: November 07, 2013, 12:36:36 PM »
I've been learning Spanish for most of my life... nowadays I can read and type it fluently, but listening is harder. There's a state of mind I can put myself in where I can understand everything that someone is saying in Spanish. When I put myself in the same state of mind at recovery meetings, the same thing happens: I understand everything someone is saying. It's an attitude- a posture of the mind.

When I'm trying to change my attitudes about anything, it's like positioning my body. I can position myself defensively, offensively or I can just let everything wash over me. I can let a friend's attitude affect me or just let them be where they are. People really do need time to themselves. And if they reject me, so what? I had a friend say the other day that the best answer to every fear I have is "So what?"

Sometimes I make my concerns known and people still don't care. So what if they don't, though? They don't have to conform to my every request. I can choose whether or not to associate with someone else, though. And it works both ways.
« Last Edit: November 07, 2013, 12:42:14 PM by benana »
"A spiritual understanding of self-acceptance is knowing that it is all right to find ourselves in pain, to have made mistakes, and to know that we are not perfect."
-IP #19, Self-Acceptance