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Offline Gemm

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  • cleandate - Aug 14, 1987
People Pleasers
« on: December 10, 2013, 06:53:29 AM »
People Pleasers

Have you ever been around people pleasers? They tend to be displeasing. Being around someone who is turned inside out to please another is often irritating and anxiety producing.

People pleasing is a behavior we may have adapted to survive in our family. We may not have been able to get the love and attention we deserved. We may not have been given permission to please ourselves, to trust ourselves, and to choose a course of action that demonstrated self trust.

People pleasing can be overt or covert. We may run around fussing over others, chattering a mile a minute when what we are really saying is, "I hope I'm pleasing you." Or, we may be more covert, quietly going through life making important decisions based on pleasing others.

Taking other people's wants and needs into consideration is an important part of our relationships. We have responsibilities to friends and family and employers. We have a strong inner responsibility to be loving and caring. But, people pleasing backfires. Not only do others get annoyed with us, we often get annoyed when our efforts to please do not work as we planned. The most comfortable people to be around are those who are considerate of others but ultimately please themselves.

Help me, God, work through my fears and begin to please myself.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
Unity begins with U-N-I; when one of us is missing both of us will die. Don't let the life NA gave you keep you from service to NA.

Offline benana

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Re: People Pleasers
« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2013, 09:32:50 AM »
I don't really understand what "people pleaser" means! Actually I don't know what any word ending in "-er" or "-ar" or "-or" means. Except "teacher" and "doctor", those ones I understand. I have known lots of teachers and doctors. And carpenters, bankers and professors. I've never observed a people pleaser before though, even once in my life. I've seen people try to please others, though.
« Last Edit: December 10, 2013, 09:49:23 AM by benana »
"A spiritual understanding of self-acceptance is knowing that it is all right to find ourselves in pain, to have made mistakes, and to know that we are not perfect."
-IP #19, Self-Acceptance

Offline Gemm

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  • cleandate - Aug 14, 1987
Re: People Pleasers
« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2013, 06:50:08 AM »
Short version - a people pleaser is someone who will demean oneself, ignore one's own best interests, even put oneself in danger at times (especially emotionally and mentally, although physically can be there as well sometimes) in order to try to make another or others in general happy. Hope that helps to clarify a bit. :)

 :hugs:
Unity begins with U-N-I; when one of us is missing both of us will die. Don't let the life NA gave you keep you from service to NA.

Offline benana

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Re: People Pleasers
« Reply #3 on: December 24, 2013, 10:08:02 PM »
No it doesn't really; I still don't get it. I'm aware of all the behaviors you're talking about, and I've seen them happen... but I don't think behaviors are a good basis for labeling anyone as anything.
« Last Edit: December 24, 2013, 10:16:45 PM by benana »
"A spiritual understanding of self-acceptance is knowing that it is all right to find ourselves in pain, to have made mistakes, and to know that we are not perfect."
-IP #19, Self-Acceptance

Offline Gemm

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  • cleandate - Aug 14, 1987
Re: People Pleasers
« Reply #4 on: December 26, 2013, 03:21:05 PM »
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I see - it is really one of those "labels" that is often misused. IMO, only a qualified psychologist, or psychiatrist can really rightfully use these, or we can use it for our own actions. Other than that, calling someone else a "people pleaser" is really out of place.  :)

 :hugs:
Unity begins with U-N-I; when one of us is missing both of us will die. Don't let the life NA gave you keep you from service to NA.