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Staying clean


Hey, my name is Dannielle and I am new to this online meeting format. I got out of an intense treatment facility two days ago and life is kicking my ass. It is going 100 miles an hour and I no longer am and it sucks. Right now I am taking hour by hour, letting go of old people, places and things but my life is still hectic. I meditate each morning and night, keep myself busy with meetings, NA literature, daily inspirations and/ quotes of letting go, but this is hard and I do not want my disease to win out. I am so very grateful to be clean today and like the way I feel so why do I feel ambivalent about feeling and liking the new person I am? I feel slow, selfish with my time and still in demand of life. If I am not constantly moving I want to be using, if I am triggered I want to run away and not talk about it, if I feel irritated and play the thought through I feel guilty. I am tired of the guilt. This is all so new to me and honestly I am scared. Dannielle.

Hello Danielle.  I am sorry to hear that you are going through such torture.  If you don't mind sharing, how long were you in treatment?  You see, I have only been sober one day and you are describing what I am going through on just day one.  How long does this misery last?  If I can help in any way, please reach out.  In the mean time, good luck.


 Dragonfly316: yeah it's hard to let go- sorry for the late reply but Saturday's are my one free night to view posts. I will try much harder to stay connected in the future. Things have gotten better since last Saturday because of my going to meetings and staying focused on my recovery. I went to a treatment center in PA which focused on the whole person as an addict, not just I am an addict. I was there for 3 months total. In the end I learned more about myself and how to handle life. It is not so simple when reality is breathing down your neck and all you want is a break. As a suggestion if you have a sober support team or EVEN one person from a meeting your have clicked with, USE him or her. This early in recovery is the worst time to isolate or blow off help.  The worst  for me is when I get jealous of other people who are not like me, but I need to remember what a complete disaster I became because of using. What are some things you enjoy doing.? Sports? Another suggestion: write down when you feel the urge to use and how you are feeling at the time. This believe it or not truly relieves the stress of the situation. It's ok to feel just please try not to use. Feel free ask more questions. I will check more often and reply. Dannielle


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