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Author Topic: Help..starting over again.  (Read 2938 times)

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Offline dragonfly316

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Help..starting over again.
« on: October 23, 2015, 12:22:29 PM »
I really need help...someone to talk to.  Crack has ruined my life.  I was introduced to it 2 years ago, have since then lost almost everything that I own, am behind on all of my bills, mortgage, etc...unemployed...have a terrible marriage, and I am pretty sure my kids hate me...or their dad anyway.  I have begged, borrowed and stolen and now can't stand to see anyone that I have taken advantage of.  The bottom line is that I lie in bed every night and wish I had the guts to kill myself. 
I can't handle the pain anymore....I absolutely hate myself and where I am at.  No, I am not the only addict, my husband is too...but somehow it is always my fault when we are broke or run out.   Suggestions would be great. 
I have no insurance to get into treatment, my husband won't leave, and I have no family that I can stay with.  Anyone else here been through this?  I really don't want to throw away 21 years of marriage over this worthless drug.

Thanks

Offline kascha175

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Re: Help..starting over again.
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2015, 09:26:35 PM »
Dragonfly 316, I'm new to this message board thing but your story hit very close to home. I'm in a very similar situation and don't know where to turn either. My husband has been an addict his entire life (I found out after we got married) and turned me on to Cocaine 3 years ago.I don't do it often but when I do I binge for 2-3 days. It's running my life.I've been through rehab twice...no Luck so far. I keep relapsing. He refuses to quit. I want to and I've tried whole heartedly but can't seem to stay clean. I've thought of divorce, but no money and nowhere to go. Maybe together we can support and help eachother. Any advice from others would be greatly appreciated. God Bless to those still struggling and to those in recovery.

Offline Ddevereaux13

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Re: Help..starting over again.
« Reply #2 on: October 24, 2015, 09:36:41 PM »
Kasha175 and dragonfly316: if there is one place to go it would be an NA meeting, tell people what is happening and ask for their help. You can also contact the NA hotline and ask them for guidance.  Also,  is ther an FIA department near by ? There are resources out there which you can turn to for help- are you two rural or city residents? I can understand and identify with all you two have shared and I am hear if both just need some one to talk to. Dannielle

Offline Ddevereaux13

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Re: Help..starting over again.
« Reply #3 on: October 24, 2015, 09:39:42 PM »
"Here" to help, not hear to help, sorry, autocorrect.

Offline 1wayup

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Re: Help..starting over again.
« Reply #4 on: April 27, 2016, 01:57:58 PM »
I am new to the message board as well, and when I saw the post about starting over, I had to take a glance. I too am struggling with starting over. I recently lost my car, my apartment, and everything else. I remember just a few weeks ago. I was standing in my apartment, and my disease was telling me to kill myself. I am 3 years clean, and drugs didn't have to be a factor in my life for me to lose everything. I'm just going to share my experience. I recently just had to move out of my apartment because everything came crashing down, my girlfriend left me, lost my car, my apartment, I couldn't handle it anymore on my own. I completely felt alone, and by myself, and as if I had no one to turn too. Then I moved into a transitional house or recovery program just to start all over again. It doesn't feel good to have to start all over again, but I know I am in the right place. I know when I was on my own, I had stopped going to meetings, I stopped going to my program to let them know what was going on. I stopped doing the things necessary for my recovery. I was in that state of mind that I had this thing or became complacent. I was at one of the most darkest times of my life, because my disease told me to kill myself because I was losing all these "things" I couldn't manage them anymore, I couldn't manage myself. In that process I completely lost myself. I still to this day have a lot of memories that pop up that haunt me, and I don't know how to deal with them. That's why I sought out the help I needed. I have not only been given a second chance in life, but I have been blessed with a 3rd chance to get it right. I have to become the solution to my problem. I have to look at the part I played in me losing everything. I know what it's like to not have money, I would not have food for myself at all through half the month, because I was not managing properly, I'm an addict I don't know how to do any of that. I hope and pray that you get the help that you need because we can't do this alone, and I realize that. I had to learn the hard way. You already took the first step to finding help for yourself, but don't let it stop there. Seek the help you need until you find the answers you need to help you. We are in this together. I joined this site because I too am struggling to find people to talk to, and want people that I can relate to. I get scared, and nervous to share at meetings sometimes. Once in awhile I get the courage to raise my hand and share where I am at. The place I am at now, shared on something that may help not just you but anyone who might read this. If we don't share where we are at, we don't open the door for help. I say again I hope and pray that you get the courage to find the help you need. You're not alone!

Offline Lon

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Re: Help..starting over again.
« Reply #5 on: May 01, 2016, 09:35:55 AM »
In my experience we need to attend local NA meetings - trying different ones until we find one that feels like home.


Get involved , get to know people in the meetings, take the risk of letting some into your life, find a sponsor...work steps with that sponsor.


It is all laid out in the steps - but many of of miss that we cannot do these alone. Most of us find people in meetings to be "real family" - perhaps more sane than our own families.


When you read through the steps, please note: the steps never say "I"... they say "We".


Big hugs.
we also have online NE meetings in our chatroom every night at 10 pm Eastern time. They are no substitute for local support found in local meetings - but they are a supplement of a sort.  http://na-recovery.org is our main page, where the chat window is located. The chatroom is not 24 hours a day - it opens at 10 PM Eastern time, 2 hours before the meeting starts.
« Last Edit: July 23, 2016, 06:48:17 PM by Lon »
"In this program, the first thing we do is stop using drugs. At this point, we begin to feel the pain of living without drugs or anything to replace them. The pain forces us to seek a Power greater than ourselves that can relieve our obsession to use."
"Narcotics Anonymous" copyright by NAWS

Offline KellySmiley

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Re: Help..starting over again.
« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2016, 01:49:27 AM »
This is all new to me and I feel a bit out of place. I have just started NA group meetings twice a week. I have really enjoyed them. I have done a lot of crying in those classes. I ask myself all the time how in the world am I going to start over again. I have been free and I have been recovered since Nov 2015 but yet I find myself sitting a lone on the couch crying. I look at my children and I feel as though I have let them down. We have lost almost everything and it is all because of what I did. I have never been drunk, never tried any illegal drugs, I have always obeyed the law. Back in August my ex husband married a young girl 2 months younger than our middle child. I found myself hurting so bad, I was so lonely. So I tried some pills, which helped me rest at night, but the cost of hurting my children, losing my job, losing my respect was almost more than I could handle. I still get so angry with myself and I have a hard time forgiving myself. So how do you start over and gain the respect you once had. I try to stay busy, but even at times that doesn't seem to help. I do have a wonderful sponsor and she is there for me whenever I need to talk. I am very thankful for her.

Offline Lon

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Re: Help..starting over again.
« Reply #7 on: July 23, 2016, 06:46:25 PM »
Welcome Kelly, :hugs: . Recovery is more than simple abstinence. If it was not, locking someone up with no access to dope would "fix" them. As we know - that is not the solution.

Recovery is another way of living, life by spiritual principles so we stop making new regrets and new resentments - with the end result of respecting ourselves.

Recovery is found through working the steps with your sponsor - and taking actions that are way outside of your comfort zone. Just not using was the first step outside your comfort zone, not the last. Big hug and welcome home Kelly.
"In this program, the first thing we do is stop using drugs. At this point, we begin to feel the pain of living without drugs or anything to replace them. The pain forces us to seek a Power greater than ourselves that can relieve our obsession to use."
"Narcotics Anonymous" copyright by NAWS

Offline Caring52

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Re: Help..starting over again.
« Reply #8 on: October 01, 2017, 10:18:08 AM »
I know this is an old post, but I really need help "starting over", too.  I am wondering how the posters on this thread are doing.  I could really use some posters to talk to about how to NOT relapse.  I've only been able to go a few days clean then I relapse and use again.  Its only for one day, but I know I need to quit permanently.
Any help would be appreciated!

Offline Atm142

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Re: Help..starting over again.
« Reply #9 on: November 29, 2017, 01:39:02 PM »
I'm sorry to hear that. If there's anything I can do to help let me know. The site isn't as active as it used to be but I promise if you post it I will read it and get back to you as soon as I can.