Melissa here, I am an addict. I am returning to the program after close to 9 years since my last meeting. My drug of choice was opiates in the beginning, whatever I could get in the middle, and suboxone at the end. I told myself I was managing my disease because I was self medicating with suboxone and I was off of everything else..oh, how we do deceive ourselves! I just got out of jail a week ago today. I was picked up on a warrant for a bullshit charge but when they picked me up I picked up another charge for possession. I spent 7 years on suboxone and I am proud to say that I am currently 21 days clean. I am finally starting to feel like myself again and it feels so good to be able to wake up and start my day without depending on this evil drug just to get out of bed in the morning! I keep reading these horror stories and I had myself convinced that I would never be able to get off the suboxone because I was afraid of detoxing. But, in jail I was left without a choice and I thank my higher power for that. The experience was a nightmare, but a humbling one and being in there for 2 weeks scared me straight..literally. I am taking things one day at a time, attending 90 meetings in 90 days, and I am currently looking for a sponsor. I don't want to go back to my old habits because those habits will eventually kill me. In my addiction, I lied to myself and everyone around me. My 2 year old son was born addicted and I had to give him up for adoption so he wouldn't end up lost in the foster system and still, that wasn't enough to make me stop. Being in jail made me realize just where my disease was taking me! I am grateful today to be clean and thinking with a clear head for the first time in almost a decade! Thanks for letting me share.
