I am new to the message board as well, and when I saw the post about starting over, I had to take a glance. I too am struggling with starting over. I recently lost my car, my apartment, and everything else. I remember just a few weeks ago. I was standing in my apartment, and my disease was telling me to kill myself. I am 3 years clean, and drugs didn't have to be a factor in my life for me to lose everything. I'm just going to share my experience. I recently just had to move out of my apartment because everything came crashing down, my girlfriend left me, lost my car, my apartment, I couldn't handle it anymore on my own. I completely felt alone, and by myself, and as if I had no one to turn too. Then I moved into a transitional house or recovery program just to start all over again. It doesn't feel good to have to start all over again, but I know I am in the right place. I know when I was on my own, I had stopped going to meetings, I stopped going to my program to let them know what was going on. I stopped doing the things necessary for my recovery. I was in that state of mind that I had this thing or became complacent. I was at one of the most darkest times of my life, because my disease told me to kill myself because I was losing all these "things" I couldn't manage them anymore, I couldn't manage myself. In that process I completely lost myself. I still to this day have a lot of memories that pop up that haunt me, and I don't know how to deal with them. That's why I sought out the help I needed. I have not only been given a second chance in life, but I have been blessed with a 3rd chance to get it right. I have to become the solution to my problem. I have to look at the part I played in me losing everything. I know what it's like to not have money, I would not have food for myself at all through half the month, because I was not managing properly, I'm an addict I don't know how to do any of that. I hope and pray that you get the help that you need because we can't do this alone, and I realize that. I had to learn the hard way. You already took the first step to finding help for yourself, but don't let it stop there. Seek the help you need until you find the answers you need to help you. We are in this together. I joined this site because I too am struggling to find people to talk to, and want people that I can relate to. I get scared, and nervous to share at meetings sometimes. Once in awhile I get the courage to raise my hand and share where I am at. The place I am at now, shared on something that may help not just you but anyone who might read this. If we don't share where we are at, we don't open the door for help. I say again I hope and pray that you get the courage to find the help you need. You're not alone!
