- Addicts helping addicts recover - the Narcotics Anonymous way

Our Online Recovery Community => WE, not ME... => Topic started by: akasha5082 on March 31, 2016, 07:54:51 AM

Title: Jails, Institutions, and Death
Post by: akasha5082 on March 31, 2016, 07:54:51 AM
Melissa here, I am an addict. I am returning to the program after close to 9 years since my last meeting. My drug of choice was opiates in the beginning, whatever I could get in the middle, and suboxone at the end. I told myself I was managing my disease because I was self medicating with suboxone and I was off of everything else..oh, how we do deceive ourselves! I just got out of jail a week ago today. I was picked up on a warrant for a bullshit charge but when they picked me up I picked up another charge for possession. I spent 7 years on suboxone and I am proud to say that I am currently 21 days clean. I am finally starting to feel like myself again and it feels so good to be able to wake up and start my day without depending on this evil drug just to get out of bed in the morning! I keep reading these horror stories and I had myself convinced that I would never be able to get off the suboxone because I was afraid of detoxing. But, in jail I was left without a choice and I thank my higher power for that. The experience was a nightmare, but a humbling one and being in there for 2 weeks scared me straight..literally. I am taking things one day at a time, attending 90 meetings in 90 days, and I am currently looking for a sponsor. I don't want to go back to my old habits because those habits will eventually kill me. In my addiction, I lied to myself and everyone around me. My 2 year old son was born addicted and I had to give him up for adoption so he wouldn't end up lost in the foster system and still, that wasn't enough to make me stop. Being in jail made me realize just where my disease was taking me! I am grateful today to be clean and thinking with a clear head for the first time in almost a decade! Thanks for letting me share.
Title: Re: Jails, Institutions, and Death
Post by: dnewbrown on April 02, 2016, 01:06:51 PM
welcome Melissa!  After about 15 years of lying to myself.....weed is not addictive.....I just need to leave the crack alone.  BOY was that dumb....but that is what this addict does...."co-signs" his own BS.  Today.....just for today! I will not find an excuse to do stinking thinking must always remain in check via NA and those my Higher Power send my way to support His Plan...NOT mines.  My plans had me visit jail a few times....and I completed 2 "Institutions" (recovery programs).  I don't want to die an active addict.....and just for today.....I have made the choice to do different things, seek out different people and places.

Peace and Love - thanks for allowing me to share.

Title: Re: Jails, Institutions, and Death
Post by: akasha5082 on April 03, 2016, 10:54:36 AM
Thanks for sharing! I'm taking things one day at a time at this point. Day #24 and I'm feeling better every day. Yesterday I cleaned my house head to toe and I did it without the aid of suboxone..I used to need a piece just to do the dishes! I didn't even realize how lazy I had become. I'm thinking clearer now, I have energy, and I'm not nodding out all the time. I was waking up almost every night sitting up..often with a lit cigarette in my hand. Since I've been off the suboxones, I'm sleeping through the night, waking up early, and my mind is sharper. Next step is to quit smoking. Suboxones are designed to help people get off opiates but I feel that it is more difficult to come off of suboxones because the withdrawals last ALOT longer. I was on them for 7 years. I do see the light at the end of the tunnel though..I still have some withdrawal effects (sneezing fits, mild anxiety) but this is the longest I've ever been off of anything since I started using and I never want to go through it again. It gets easier each day. I wake up, I thank my higher power for a new day, and I focus on staying clean that day. I'm taking my sobriety seriously this time around. I'm grateful for the chance to do so.
Title: Re: Jails, Institutions, and Death
Post by: Gizmo2014 on November 01, 2016, 11:26:45 AM
Hi.I'm very interested in  how you went off suboxone  Did you get any help from a doctor? I'm done  to 1mg and afraid to take the jump..
Title: Re: Jails, Institutions, and Death
Post by: Lon on December 07, 2016, 04:07:24 PM
I would suggest talking to your doctor, & being honest with them about your goal. If you are not going to NA meetings, it is time to start. The local support of those who have "been there, done that" is essential.

Congratulations Akasha!

Addiction is a disease of the spirit and NA teaches us how to live so we can respect ourselves.