- Addicts helping addicts recover - the Narcotics Anonymous way

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Our Stories / Re: New member frustrated venting.
« Last post by Atm142 on October 02, 2019, 04:25:27 PM »
Trying to stop feeling guilty for everything. It's hard. Having trouble breathing when I'm laying down. Cut back on smoking will hopefully quit soon but honestly it's been how I manage my anxiety about feeling guilty for so long it's going to be rough.

For instance I don't drive because if I hurt someone while driving I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt. On the flip side I feel guilty for having to ask people for rides. It's kind of created this endless cycle I'm trying to break.
Our Stories / Re: New member frustrated venting.
« Last post by Atm142 on September 03, 2019, 04:48:34 PM »
Another month. It's the small things. A smile, a hug, a call. Every little bit makes things a bit easier.
Our Stories / Re: New member frustrated venting.
« Last post by Atm142 on August 06, 2019, 02:00:12 PM »
Brother had MRSA. That was crazy, he had a huge chunk of his bicep cut off and had to pack it with gauze. He seems to be doing better though.

Excited for the new basketball season.

Going back to school soon but I realize I don't even have the money for books. It seems like success in this life is like a rollercoaster ride but outfront every sign reads "must be this wealthy to ride."

Trying to be less negative but it's hard when you see your family, neighbors - everyone you've ever cared about being ground to dust by the same broken system. Then you realize it's going to be your fate too. Then for an extra dose of existential dread realize it's probably the same fate for your child too.

That's when I feel the urge to numb my feelings. So I can just have one good day before going back to the regularly scheduled program of crap. Still haven't though, coming up on eleven years in January.

Just exhausted.

Our Stories / Re: New member frustrated venting.
« Last post by Atm142 on July 09, 2019, 03:17:25 PM »
Still trying to get a decent job that can keep us afloat. Thankfully we had been saving up money to take our daughter to the zoo on our first ever vacation in a decade. Now that money's keeping us afloat.

We have had a couple of interviews but I recently helped my mom move and badly irritated my hernia. If I pick my daughter up wrong it feels like my liver explodes. It does seem to have gotten better in the last few days so maybe I can tough it out a bit longer.
Our Stories / Re: New member frustrated venting.
« Last post by Atm142 on June 11, 2019, 03:19:17 PM »
My fiancee recently lost her job for doing the right thing and it's unbelievable how powerless you can feel and how easy it is for some guy you've never even met to suddenly throw your entire life into confusion and take food off of your table.

A shoplifter darted from her store and a customer trying to be a good Samaritan went after him. There's a strict no leaving the store policy (apparently) because my fiancee took two steps out the front door while on the phone with 911 to check on the customer.

She wanted the customer to come back in and not risk her safety over a pair of shoes and those two steps is all it took to get an employee of six years with zero write-ups who's never been fired before terminated.

All she was doing was making sure the customer was safe and it cost her, her job. Doing the right thing and being gainfully employed should not be mutually exclusive.

She's a saint and my rock and it is terrible there is so little I can do for her.
Our Stories / Re: New member frustrated venting.
« Last post by Atm142 on May 14, 2019, 12:26:46 PM »
Another couple of months clean.  Sometimes when I look back I can hardly believe the person I was compared to the person I am today. Not sure if that's good or bad. I was always so wrapped up in school, jobs and drugs I never really got to enjoy the people I'm closest to. These days since my dad died and I stopped using I make it a point to savor every moment with my family. I don't know what else to say this month really.

Gearing up for some major summer home renovation projects so that's where my mind is mostly. Still having monster headaches but they seem to be coming fewer and further between.

Take care everyone and good luck with your sobriety and I hope you realize you're worth it.
General Discussion / What do you all think of this?
« Last post by sjs94704 on April 07, 2019, 01:25:27 AM »
I am in recovery (975 days clean).  We often say that we have to have fun in recovery, right?

Well, my fun is singing. I have all the recording equipment to make my own music videos and post them online. I sing mostly POP genre music.


There is one song I am recording called 'Angel' made famous  by Sarah McLachlan.  It has special meaning for me because it is all about addiction.

So, if I made a video, it would cut back n' forth from my face to screens of factual information about addiction, but,
at no time would I ever make mention of anything about Narcotics Anonymous or me being a member at all!

Does anyone here on this forum feel that this would be a breach of our traditions as long as I never mention NA or being a part of it?

Our Stories / Re: New member frustrated venting.
« Last post by Atm142 on March 18, 2019, 02:20:38 PM »
It's been a rough few weeks but we're plugging along and I made it another month of sobriety. My aunt had cancer and had surgery to remove it but she's been bed ridden ever since and she's also severely autistic, about 6 years old in her head in a 50 year old 200lb woman's body.

My mom and aunt are taking care of the other aunt but my mom has cried to me every day on the phone because she's a small woman and it's hard to lift her to the bathroom and give her shots because she'll physically fight you off. My mom is covered in bruises.

I'm going to go stay with them for awhile to give my mom a break and for whatever reason my disabled aunt likes and respects me so does whatever I ask to prove she can.

I've also given my brother my car for a few weeks so mom doesn't have to drive him to take UA's at 7am or meet his parole officer.

So transportation is difficult and I'm perpetually exhausted also chasing around my 2 year old but it will all be worth it. In service to others is when I feel most fulfilled and I just don't want my mom to spend these years so full of anxiety and pain.

It's strange but I think it's easier managing my own addiction when I'm helping people manage their problems.
Our Stories / Re: New member frustrated venting.
« Last post by Atm142 on February 19, 2019, 12:33:30 PM »
Made it another month. Had a water pipe burst it's been tough on the money. Mostly spent the month in doors. Getting excited about going back to school. Not sure what I'm going to be doing there. Just going to do a few classes and see if I can still do classwork at a reasonable level and if so go from there. If not just do something simple.

Most excited I've been about me and my families long term goals in a long time.
Our Stories / Re: New member frustrated venting.
« Last post by Atm142 on January 23, 2019, 12:02:05 PM »
Moving forward this year. Got my acceptance letter going back to school in the fall. Going to try and focus on finishing my schooling and self improvement this year. I haven't had any major urges or any kind of relapse in several years in fact this January marks year 11 of not hunting down street drugs or looking for trouble.

My autistic aunt got diagnosed with cancer and my mom is taking it pretty hard. I just want to step up and be that guy everyone can depend on.
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