- Addicts helping addicts recover - the Narcotics Anonymous way

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Online Recovery Meetings and Chat / Re: boredom
« Last post by Atm142 on October 04, 2017, 12:58:55 PM »
Knit, walk, talk trash on the internet. Personally I watch a crap ton of historical and nature documentaries and when I'm really hard up I'll start a random argument/debate with my friends regarding philosophy or politics.

We have a group text dedicated to my shenanigans. Current topic of interest: "why hasn't there ever been a truly benevolent dictator?"

Closest we got in modern times was Josep Bros Titos but he was responsible for ethnic cleansing. A few monarchs from Asia and South America fit the bill as long as you are willing to overlook human rights violations and literal human sacrifice.

Feel free to steal my ideas. Kidding, I know I'm weird. But it boils down to the fact you'll have to find a hobby or make a kid.
Introductions and Celebrations! / Re: new to this way of meetings
« Last post by Caring52 on October 01, 2017, 10:35:55 AM »
I am new here too.  Still trying to find my way around the site.  I am trying to stay clean off of heroin-snorting, no needles.  It has been a complete struggle for me.  I haven't gone a week without using at least once during the week. 
I am on suboxone, which may be "cheating", but I know enough about myself to know that I have to take this recovery very slow, and get my life back on track before I even think about going completely clean. 
Every week I start off great...I am determined NOT to use-to finally complete one week of non use.  However, the urge to use comes on so strong that it almost drives me crazy.  I now know the importance of attending meetings and I am going to my first one this week.  I just don't know how to deal with that nasty urge to use that keeps popping up.
I am 52 years old, have a great job, never married and no children.  I know this sounds kind of cheesy, but I have serious issues about never being married and no children.  I feel like such a loser and its the main reason why I started using in the first place.  I haven't found a way to clear away this junk thinking and get on with my life.  I am hoping this site can supplement in person meetings and be a place I can post when I feel the strong urge to use.

General Discussion / Re: Help..starting over again.
« Last post by Caring52 on October 01, 2017, 10:18:08 AM »
I know this is an old post, but I really need help "starting over", too.  I am wondering how the posters on this thread are doing.  I could really use some posters to talk to about how to NOT relapse.  I've only been able to go a few days clean then I relapse and use again.  Its only for one day, but I know I need to quit permanently.
Any help would be appreciated!
General Discussion / Re: 20 years in relapse and want recovery again.
« Last post by Caring52 on October 01, 2017, 10:06:04 AM »
I know this is an old post, but I was just wondering how the original poster was doing.
Recovery REALLY is on a day by day basis.  I am now learning that.
Anyway, I hope the poster is doing well in recovery.
General Discussion / Re: Hot Mess
« Last post by Caring52 on October 01, 2017, 09:58:35 AM »
Thanks for you honest post.  I can relate to what you say about loving to use.  I deal with that almost every day.  I love using, too. 
You did say in your post that you were clean for 10 years and that life was great, so you have that to look forward to-You had a great life when you were clean, and you will have a great life again when you are clean! 
I hope you and your wife are able to work things out, but you will be great either way.
Please post again and let us know how you are doing.
Introductions and Celebrations! / I am the new one
« Last post by AustinTann on September 26, 2017, 02:59:31 AM »
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General Discussion / ECCNA 33 : Let the sun shine in (Portimao)
« Last post by Mur de Feu on September 25, 2017, 05:03:55 AM »

The 33rd European Narcotics Anonymous Convention (ECCNA) was held from 22 to 24 September 2017 in Portimao near Faro in Portugal.
It brought together 2071 recovering addicts from 50 countries and totaling more than 183 centuries of clean !
>>> Read more... <<<

General Discussion / Re: Hot Mess
« Last post by prayntrustGod on September 24, 2017, 07:09:23 AM »
 :I can relate to some what you said, especially about coming clean bout your additcion with your wife! It hit home
Introductions and Celebrations! / New to NA but not 12 steps
« Last post by Joshua26 on September 18, 2017, 12:00:36 PM »
Hey there my name is Joshua. I'm an active member of AA, but I've never been to an NA meeting. My drugs of choice besides alcohol were cocaine, and prescription pills that gave me the same feeling. I was prescribed adhd medication in the past, but it was all recreational use the past few years. I used hallucinogenic drugs like mushrooms, lsd, and even dmt. I never had an interest in heroin or opioids in general. Needles still scare me. My nose was my portal. Alcohol told me it was okay to use. I don't have time to add more now so I'm starting with this to open up to the community. Would love to get some contacts who know my drugs, thanks!
General Discussion / Hot Mess
« Last post by SmSilver27 on September 16, 2017, 03:21:27 AM »
I'm currently writing this while I'm coming down. I'm a hot mess these days. About two weeks ago I snitched myself out to my wife of four years. I was hiding my meth use for a good six months. It's ran it's course, and I'm ready to stop, but my addiction is kicking my ass. On Monday morning I have an outpatient intake evaluation, and I'm going to surrender and go all in. I have the fight, but I have nothing to defend myself against this addiction.

During yesterday's meeting, the topic was truth and honesty. Very appropriate considering I've been trying to bullshit myself for the past two weeks. But the truth is I can't kid myself. I love using, I do. I'm that insane. The crazy part is that I really do want to stop, but every time I look outside in my driveway, there's my addiction. He's on steroids, doing push ups, just waiting to kick the shit out of me every time I step out the door. And dammed if I don't have a weapon to use against him. Not a bat, a knife, or even a gun to shoot his ass down. All I have is my sucked in, 5'7, 175lbs frame trying to throw hay makers. He's even made the dope house convenient. On my way to, and from work. What a dickhead.

I thought I had killed the beast within 11 years ago, but I only wounded him. I used from the ages of 16 to 26 before I bottomed out and got help. I was clean for 10 and a half years before I got hurt. Life was great. I met my soon to be ex-wife, and carved out a decent life with her. I hadn't thought about using at that point in well over 8 years. I'm an out of sight, out of mind user. And I wasn't planning on it either. That's when May 6th, 2016 happened. I was training for a marathon at the time, but this was the day after Cinco De Mayo, and I had no business running that day. But being a knuckle head, I went anyway. I fell, and tore up my hip pretty good. My running days came to an end that day, and soon after came surgery and a prescription to oxy. Truth be told, I let my guard down. I didn't see my addiction standing behind the bushes. I hadn't seen him in over a decade, I didn't recognize him. He jumped out, and sucker punched me in the jaw. He was even kind enough to accompany me to the doctors, and made sure I left with oxy. lol..

I was hooked instantly. I was out of work for 16 weeks, and most of that time was spent taking oxy, and chasing it with tequila. But eventually the doc cut me off, and I was left with my blood itching. Fortunately I was working for a guy who sold both oxy and blow. I was having him deduct his cash from my tips for the pills and blow. Things were better, until that well ran dry. The only thing I could find was heroin or meth. I relapsed, and I've been using since. I feel horrible for hiding this from my best friend. I was quite the responsible tweaker though. My bills never lapsed, and I never spent what I didn't have. I kept it to just the using, but It's still pretty bad. We're separating shortly, and who knows if divorce will happen. All I know is that i'm ready to stop the insanity. I want to be myself again. Even if that means without my wife and kids
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